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Name: Eric
Birthday: 4/18/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: Trying to hit the high note on "Take on Me" by A-ha, nostalgia, brown things, coffee, bubble tea, tea in general, the 1970's, disco music (shh!), BUFFY! and anything touched by Joss Whedon, Citrus Lift shampoo by Herbal Essences, my iPod, comic books, dyeing my hair different colors, vitamin C lozenges, musicals, singing along to those musicals when nobody is around, people with accents, sleep, traveling, Spanish, Japanese, Disney everything, old school videogames, languages, puppies, dancing, drawing, reading, trying to get the word "groovy" integrated back into the English language, tennis, Starbucks, Chinese food, margaritas, bellbottoms, Dance Dance Revolution, 80's music, cuddling, failing miserably in my attempts to roll my tongue and whistle, Kool-Aid, Andy Roddick!
Expertise: I'm pretty hardcore when it comes to DDR, and I have some crazy pop-culture knowledge/trivia. Yo hablo español tambien!
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Punkrockr418
MSN: Buffyboy418@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  Punkrockr418
Member Since:
1/8/2005
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| So I just got an email recently saying that I need to update my xanga or else it'll get deleted...which is really bullshit, I think. Not that it's a problem typing this. I enjoy blogging...although you wouldn't know from seeing my track record on here, haha. Has it really been 2 years? Huh. It's because they say that someone might want to use my screen name for their own. Whatever, make them add a number or "xOxOXox" to the end of it if they need it. So here's my attempt at saving my xanga site where I have a lot of nice memories
-Eric
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| Last night I went to the Grid with Steve and Nicholas for the first
time. After a crazy week of studying, it sounded like heaven to go out
and let loose with my bad self. But then we got there. After paying a
ridiculous cover charge (10 dollars! What the eff is that about?), we
checked the place out....and that didn't really take too long, but we
did notice two things: there was an over abundance of middle aged or
older men, and that it was Latex and Leather Night.
....
Luckily
only the bartenders were chaps-clad, so that was a major relief. So
they finally opened up the dancefloor, but absolutely nobody stepped
foot in there until well after 2 hours had passed. At one point it was
just the three of us on the floor which was a little awkward, I must
say. We wanted to have fun, though. We didn't pay all that money just
to stand around and watch everyone NOT dance, so we made the best of
it. And that totally goes to show how much I've grown, since I would
never have done that about a year ago. Go me!
Then the people
slowly started to filter in, and that made it a little more fun...I
guess >_> The gaps on the floor were mostly filled by shirtless
men above the age of 50, and really cracked out muscle guys, so it was
a little uncomfortable trying to dance. There was this one guy though,
and the only one that I really wanted to dance with. He was dancing
around us and I casually strutted over to him and flashed a smile or
two. But after two hours of doing that, I decided something else must
be done. So I put my game face on and went to work. I went up to him
and "accidentally" rubbed my back against him, and did the universal
"Oh, I didn't see you! Hehe!" I'm used to playing the innocent and
naive card, so I thought I had it in the bag, but he just walked away.
So that put a big dent in the fun I was having, since there really
wasn't anyone else worth dancing with...or maybe I'm just too picky.
Anyway I decided to take a stroll around the bar area, but the second I
stepped away from the dancefloor I felt someone pull on my arm. It was
this guy wearing a shirt with "Man whore" written on it...
-Hey there! I saw you dancing by yourself, are you here alone?
-Um...no, I'm not.
-Are you with your boyfriend?
-No
-Single?
-Mmmhmm
-I'm T.J
-...
-Who are you?
-Eric.
-That's awesome! How old are you?
(mistake)- I'm 18
-Oooh, I'm 23...I hope that doesn't freak you out.
-Not at all... *trying to walk away*
-So do you go to school?
-Yep.
-What are you studying?
-Spanish Translation *still trying to move away*
- Oh! I speak a little Spanish!
-(REALLY not caring) Haha, how exciting...
-Why don't we go upstairs and talk for awhile?
-Uh...can you wait right here for a second?
And
I ran back to Steve and Nicholas. It was just that kind of atmosphere
all night, and it made me feel sick. Later on Nicholas asked if the guy
was cute, and when I told him he was attractive he thought I should've
gone upstairs with him. I couldn't believe him when he said that. I go
to clubs to dance and have fun...not get picked up by random men (no
matter how good they look). I don't know, it was kinda frightening to
hear.
I still tried to make the most of the night,
though....even with the horrible DJ they had. One lineup of songs
consisted of Lindsay Lohan, followed by Ashlee Simpson and a techno mix
of the Brokeback Mountain theme.... but it was still pretty enjoyable,
and we randomly saw Adam and Travis at one point which was kinda cool.
I still miss Axis, though :( | | |
| I started talking to Fabio a few months ago.
We've been really good friends, and then feelings started to develop
between us. He cares about me, and makes me feel amazing, and being
with him just feels right. I love every minute I'm with him. We sing,
dance and hold each other.
But Fab and me are over. I have too
many issues going on, and I can't be with him. He told me he was
falling in love with me last week, and I started crying
uncontrollably...because my mind's been stuck on someone else. I want
to be with Fabio, but I care for him so much that I have to let him go.
I want to hurt him as little as possible.
It's not fair to him
if anything else were to happen or develop, because I can't be there
for him until I get over this other guy, and who knows how long that'll
be... He said he would wait for me, as long as it takes ...because he
wanted to be with me. I want to be with him so much! But If he waited
around for me, I would feel awful, since he would be missing out on so
much, and I don't know how long it'll take me to get over everything.
Now
is just not a good time for me to be with anyone. I hate that I have
these feelings and thoughts, and I wish I could make them go
away....but no matter what I do, everything reminds me of that other
guy. I can't get him out of my head. He was my first everything...
I
drive down the street, and it reminds me him. I hear music, and I think
of him, I fall asleep and I want nothing more than to be laying next to
him. I miss him, and I know I shouldn't. He doesn't feel the same way,
and he's moving on...so what's my problem? I know that I should just be
happy because we were able to share those moments...but happiness
hasn't come yet. All I feel is hollow and empty. I'm sinking into this
depression and I don't know how to get out of it. I've never felt this
way about anyone, and I don't know how to deal with it.
People
have been giving me advice about how to mend everything, but it won't
work. There's this part of me that doesn't want to let go, cause that
means that we're really finished. It's like I'm holding onto the last
thread (which isn't even there...) and I don't want to drop it. I know
in my heart that we'll never be together, so why am I doing this? It's
only causing me pain.
I'm sick of crying. I just want to be
happy. I want this all to melt away and I want to smile....and actually
mean it. I feel like I'm losing my friends over this, and I just
started making them. I don't want them to leave, because they mean so
much to me! Why can't I just get over him?!
Why can't I get over anything?
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| I'm kinda curious to see if anyone would comment on my xanga if I
decided to update it....there's no reason for this update, I'm just
quite bored....and I've just finished an entry for LJ almost surpasses
all the Harry Potter books. Almost ;) So everyone go check that out,
and comment!
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| Situation: I'm an idiot. So today I was supposed to go to Adam's
graduation party. Don't know who Adam is? Well I would consider him to
be my potential boyfriend. I' don't know if I ever mentioned it on my
xanga or not, but I'm gay. Everyone knows anyway (fuck you, Kristin if
you're reading this btw) Woo- now let's move on. So we've had a
rocky relationship so far. Some days he's completely comfortable to be
around, and others he's around his friends and I feel extremely out of
place, and awkward. So he just got back from a cruise in the Caribbean
and the last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago. He called me up awhile
back and invited me to his graduation party and I thought that was an
awesome idea. Well after work today I took a shower, changed, and spent
around 30 minutes in the bathroom doing my hair and drove out to his
house....but instead of turning on his street, I turned the other
direction and sast in a parking lot for 20 minutes. I just started
feeling really scared and panicky all of a sudden.
(this is all in my LJ entry too with more detail, I think- so go there and read it there if ya want to .)
I've always been horribly uncomfortable around new people, and I just
thought that I wouldn't know a single person at his party besides him
and I know I would just be standing all by myself and putting on an act
of having a good time. Ugh- it's really lame. I got so scared that I
just ended up going home after sitting in that parking lot...what does
that say about me? Meh- well I texted him on my phone about why I
woulnd't be there, and now I think that he won't want to talk to me
anymore...and it's my fault for this :/
I just bought Emma Bunton's cd today (legally btw, TeloahQildao
:) ) and it's an alright cd. There's a few songs that I like a
lot, and then there's alot that I don't really care for. She has a good
voice, but it's just not....strong? I dunno- she doesn't really seem
able to carry her own album, I think. There's something about her voice
that lacks oompf, and she never really belts it out, ya know? Hmm- it's
weird. She kinda blends in with the backup vocals it seems. It's pretty
fun, though. It reminds of music from the 60's with all the trumpets
and jazz-like band, and it reminds of James Bond music...hmm
Go read my LJ entry and make comments :)
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